The news that Kratos is joining Fortnite may have passed us by, but nobody will be able to avoid seeing Kratos dancing like a fool, at least if I get my own way.
Kratos in Fortnite is… a strange combination. But fine. Cross-over events happen all the time. But then, as you watch the video up above, you notice that Kratos’ big nips have been hidden from view, most likely to protect the angelic 10-year olds who totally play Fortnite without ever saying a bad word and are always polite to others. Gotta protect them kids, right?
And then… Well, I’d argue what follows next in the video above is worse than any god-like man nipple. Kratos starts throwing all kinds of shapes, and he looks absolutely mortified. His expression never changes. If you pause the video and look closely – maybe zoom in x3840 – you can actually see the pain in his eyes. He didn’t want this. He didn’t ask for this. He has no control over his movements. He never did, but at least in his home series, God of War, he accepted his fate – sometimes a little too happily, but happy is better than sad.
I feel for Kratos, I really do. This mythic warrior who has slain gods, murdered innocents, and then turned his fortunes around to love a woman and raise a son, is now back at square one. He won’t have a leg to stand on when he starts shouting “BOY!” in the God of War PS5 sequel. Boy will pull out his smartphone, play this clip, and demand to be referred to as the man of the longhouse.