As a parent I can tell you that having a child is no game, but it is a lot of fun. If you’ve yet to experience the joys of parenthood (and the poo!) but are thinking about going down that route, maybe Think of The Children is the game for you. If not as a guide, at least as a warning.
Think of the Children is a co-op “parenting simulator” where multiplayer is encouraged but not necessarily required. In the game you play the role of a bad parent who has been hauled before a judge for, well, being a bad parent.
You fight your case through a series of flashbacks that take place in different environments. This is how you’ll tell your story, so play well, keep the kids alive (the first line in the press release opened with “Little Bobby’s dead”) and prove that you’re a decent parent. However, it’s not going to be easy as each environment presents its own hazards and every one could end in little Bobby kicking his ball into an early grave.
The game’s out today on PS4 via the PlayStation Network for $12.99/£9.99. Up at the top you’ll find the latest trailer, and then down below a few of the key features of this bonkers game, courtesy of Jammed Up Studios and the game’s publisher, Fellow Traveller.
There’s never a dull moment when you’ve got the BBQ to tend, picnic tables to set, some of the kids are playing with a rabid dog, and two of them just ran out onto the road.
Parenting is hard
To get a good parenting grade and avoid jail time you’ll need to get all your tasks done, keep the kids happy, and… KEEP THEM ALIVE!
Nowhere is safe
The local park, the beach, the supermarket, the zoo. Great places for a day out with the kids. That is, aside from the poisonous berries, ravenous seagulls, towering grocery shelves and electrified pens.
All kinds of families welcome
Single parent? Two mums? A mum, two dads and a horse in a long distance relationship? It’s all good. Name and customise your parents and children the way you want them, and save them individually or as a family. Parent solo or with up to four players in local co-op.
Chris has been writing about gaming news for far too long, and now he’s doing it even more. A true PlayStation know-it-all, Chris has owned just about every Sony console that ever existed. Trophies are like crack to this fella. (Bronze trophies, that is – he only has one Platinum.)